What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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