Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
