Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
