he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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