I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
