I am full of burrito and curiosity
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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