dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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