This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
