I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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