Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
