Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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