Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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