so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
