who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
