You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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