Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
