Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
