i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
