I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
