When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
