her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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