I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
