WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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