There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
