Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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