I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
