sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
