I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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