AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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