I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
