how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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