Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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