whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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