the condom got lost in my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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