Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
