I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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