I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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