threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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