You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
