I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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