franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
