Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
