he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
