He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
