haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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