I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
