"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
