you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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