Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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