Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
