The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
