I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
