I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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