You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
