Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
