So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So many bounce houses so little time
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
