how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
