He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
