I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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