I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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