drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
