I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
