I'd wear matching sweaters with you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
