dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
