hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
