Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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