Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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