just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
