Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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