Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
