I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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