I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
