Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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