I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize