i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
