my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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