Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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