i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
