ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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