you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I lost the right to judge tonight
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
