The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
50% drunk capacity currently
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
