Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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