Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize