she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
